Sometimes you have to make change happen

I can't make my mind think about school right now, so I've been taking a break today. It's a strange feeling though, and I can't quite put my finger on it. It's like I'm ready for something, and whatever it is that should be here is late. I suppose you could say it's a kind of senior-itis. I've only got six more classes to take, really, until I'm ready to graduate. I've been thinking about adding on another minor, but that's beside the point.

Another word might be restless. Don't get me wrong, I love college. But it's different now. Have you ever been going on with your life and then a bunch of things change all at once? Not in a bad way, but people just move on and they go their different ways? And you feel a little like the tortoise, but then you wonder if you're actually the hare and it's you leaving all of them behind, making all of this change. Today's blog is going to be a random mish-mash of whatever's in my head because I can never make sense of anything until I write it all down.

So, let's start from the beginning of my thoughts. I usually feel pretty content with my state of life. It doesn't take too much to make me happy. As long as I can eat a sandwich sometime during the day, have clothes to wear (that are comfortable), and a bed to sleep in with some fuzzy blankets, I'm pretty happy. Oh, I like having my guitar there too. There's something different about this year though, and it just feels like I'm almost on the verge of something. Maybe it's that I went to Wales and England and really, really want to go back. Maybe it's because some of my best friends are now gone on missions for a year and a half. Maybe it's because I'm about to graduate and don't know what I'm quite going to do with my life. Maybe it's something else entirely, and maybe it's all of those combined.

I'm moving into a new apartment this next semester, or at least I will be as long as I can sell my contract. I've been living in the same apartment for over a year now, and now it's filled with different people. Don't get me wrong. I like these people, and I would love to be their roommate for another semester, but it's just weird being in the same apartment with different people. While I was in the UK, I lived on Penny Lane (it was actually Pen-Y-Lan, but we called it Penny Lane) in a very interesting building. But I had my own room, my own writing desk, and my very own view. I'm going to see if maybe I just need more space than I have now. It is three to a room where I live, but the rent is so cheap!

Also, I've been pretty content with my English major. In fact, I don't think there is another major that would have made me any happier. That's good. It means I did, in fact, choose the right major. But I think I've been planning my life too much. I tell myself, okay I'll either go to graduate school, get a job as an editor somewhere, or have a job on the side and try to write. But I don't know if I'd really be satisfied with those. And I thought back on the college that I've done and wondered, is there anything that I will regret not doing while I'm here?

I'm a little afraid of my answer because there is something. I always feel a little sheepish telling people what I want to do and dream of doing because I always think it sounds silly. But whatever. But when I was little I desperately wanted to be an actress. I remember daydreaming about that so many times in school. I was in a couple of plays growing up, and in my senior year of high school I was one of the Emcees for our Variety show. I did a semester of drama in high school, but I thought the class and the teacher were kind of weird, so I got out and did choir. I'm very glad that I did choir though. I think that really was where I learned to let my voice grow. one of my favorite things is playing the guitar and singing a song, so I'm glad I can do it to my own satisfaction. But I haven't done anything much with theater since I graduated high school. I mean, I've always enjoyed doing impersonations of people, my friends can tell you that, but nothing really on a stage. I'm pretty sure that I would regret it if I didn't at least explore some options in theater. Acting is fun, but I also want to experiment with screenwriting and play writing.

I guess I just don't want to tie myself down to something that I'm not sure will make me happy all the way. I don't know that I want to have my life planned out. I mean, how exciting would it be to just go somewhere and see what happens? I could go to England, or I could just go somewhere new and see where my feet take me, see what opportunities come. I kind of want to do something unexpected. And I really want to see other places. I've traveled a lot within the U.S., but there's a whole world out there. The only thing is that you have to have money to travel. Meh, I'll worry about that later. Right now, I want to think that I can go anywhere and do something exciting that I hadn't thought of before.

For instance, I speak Italian! Surprise! Well, most of you probably knew that. But what if I found some way to work in Italy and learn my Italian really well? I've been forgetting it, and it's kind of sad. I don't know, but I think I feel a little less restless now. It's time to think about things I haven't thought of before :)